Five Steps
by Faux Promises
Summary: Grief had brought them together, always there in every touch and every kiss. They had never known any other way to live. Sheelos, oneshot.


**A/N**: Okay, I just finished my one-shot collection like a week or so ago but I had the inspiration for this. There are five stages of grief: denial (and/or isolation), anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. I always thought Sheelos involved a lot of grieving; their whole lives are consumed in it. Anyway, this is based on that.

Disclaimer: *puts on spectacles and pulls out scroll* I don't own Tales of Symphonia, any similarities to persons either real or fictional is entirely coincidental, some names were changed to protect the innocent.

x x x x x

Her misfortunes had started early in life.

Abandoned in the woods shortly after birth, Sheena Fujibayashi survived only by the grace of fate, that she was found and taken in by Chief Igaguri of the nearby Mizuho. Having no child of his own, he treated her with the same degree of love as if she were his own. Growing up, the girl was very close to her adopted grandfather, striving to make him proud even at a young age.

The people of Mizuho never quite accepted her as one of their kind, and she knew this well. Her appearance matched them close enough, but her behavior deviated from expectations early on. While young girls were taught to cook and craft necessities, the misfit girl showed little interest. She had a strong preference for physical activity, eagerly watching the boys of the village play-fight and soon enough joining them in training when she came of age. Though Igaguri encouraged her to strengthen her mind and body, there were disapproving whispers behind closed doors.

Life changed for her after her ability to summon became apparent. At the age of barely ten, she was whisked to the Temple of Lightning to make her first pact with Volt. When she failed, the creature went on the attack, and scores of her fellow Mizuhoans perished in the rampage. Her grandpa, the person who had always cared for her, went into a deep coma from his injuries.

She knew it was her fault, that the blood was on her hands. And now, she had no one.

From that point forward, Sheena became excruciatingly aware of her exile. The glares and mutterings followed her everywhere, the sight of orphans and widows visiting graves in the cemetery. She hid behind an attitude of determination and pride, but inside, she wished it had been her who died that day.

x x x

On the other side of the world, there was another like her.

The moment of his birth, his entire life had already been laid out before him. Zelos Wilder came into the world as a 'what' rather than as a 'who.' He grew up in the lap of luxury, but as a child, he remembered standing outside his mother's bedroom listening to her while she wept. His father, when around, did not look at him. The boy never once remembered either one of them holding him in their arms.

He had never exactly become well suited for high society. His curiosity toward the world, his blunt honesty, weren't promising signs in a child of stately name, let alone a Chosen One. On the occasions that they were together, his fragile half-sister was quietly delighted by his naturally clownish personality.

In the blink of an eye, his youthfulness would vanish.

That day was the first time he had seen snow, and he had rushed excitedly out into it. His mother, for once in her life smiling, had taken him by the hand and shown him how to build a snowman in the front yard. He beamed back at her, delighted that she was taking an interest in him. _"Isn't the snow wonderful, Zelos?"_

And then, _bang_. She was gone. He had nothing left of his past after that, nothing but words in the wind.

_"You should have never been born…"_

He was never the same person after that. His playful nature turned cynical as he grew older, swearing that he would never let anyone be close to him. No one would have the chance to make him hurt any more than he already did. He hid behind a confident smile, but inside, he wished it had been him who died that day.

x x x

It was mostly by chance that they had met at all. By virtue of class, a Chosen would have known better—would have banished the thought of associating with the wrong stock of people. But Zelos was naturally disobedient, always inquisitive toward the unknown, and so one day when he passed the Elemental Research Laboratory on a jaunt about the city, he took immediate notice of the girl sitting outside on a stone bench.

There were many unusual things to recognize about her. She had ashen-black hair that fell past her shoulders, soft pale skin that contrasted it. It wasn't a look that he had seen in Meltokio. Even stranger was the yellowish-gold fox in her lap, nosing her face encouragingly. She had her head down. He might not have approached her, but he suspected she was crying. Even at fifteen, he knew it just wasn't gentlemanly to ignore a crying girl.

The fox-thing noticed him confronting her, showing its tiny fangs protectively as it jumped up to its master's shoulder. Zelos speculated that this must be the man-made summon spirit he had been hearing about. He was a little wary of the creature, but not exactly afraid either, so he gave her a little tap on the arm.

As their eyes meet, there's something in her that he identifies immediately. Her face is young and pretty, golden brown eyes taken aback when she recognizes him (who wouldn't?). But what startles him is the sadness in her eyes, as though the world within her head is in permanent mourning. He _knew_ what that was. He saw it every time he looked in the mirror.

He can't help smiling back at her, an awkward tingling in his chest making it hard to breath. She's different than everyone else, he can just _feel_ it. In fact, he's quite sure that she might be able to save him…and he doesn't even know her name yet.

x x x

As friends, they adjusted to the other cautiously and with much unwillingness to trust. It would have been likely that nothing came of it, but Zelos Wilder was persistent if nothing else and he wanted to understand _everything_ about her. She relented after a time, and they were the best of friends before the winter turned into spring.

Things never turned out to be straightforward between them. Even less so when one day he got up the nerve to kiss her, and an awkward interlude followed in which they carefully avoided the subject. It was difficult to own up to the fact that their friendship had evolved. Admitting it held so many implications, inferences that meant they couldn't possibly maintain this.

After Sheena returned to Mizuho, he only saw her periodically. Those were the high points of his day-to-day life, when they were together and he could touch her face and feel her lips and see if the sadness in her eyes had gone away yet. But her brown gaze always reflected back the same grief, the grief that lived inside both of them. Selfishly, he even feared that she would someday conquer her sorrow, while he remained the same.

Then one visit, she told him she was leaving Tethe'alla behind; she had come to the city to accept an assassination mission. She would depart tomorrow, going off into another world. There were many dangers involved, most of which could prove fatal. He sent her off with wishes of luck, but he was fuming inside. She was doing this to prove a point, to make a statement. She thought doing it would redeem her, that it would take away some of the hurt.

Didn't she understand that they were doomed to carry their burdens forever?

x x x

When their paths soon crossed again, Zelos wasn't exactly surprised. He had been doubtful that she would be much good at murdering in cold blood, but bringing back the enemy was another story altogether. Of course, once he'd met Lloyd and his friends, the word 'enemy' became rather subjective. He himself would throw his lot in with anyone at this point; after all, it would only give him more options for when he had to pick a side.

He should've been able to guess that Sheena would throw her unwavering support behind them. In fact, judging by the way she smiled her beautiful smile at Lloyd, she had fallen for someone who wasn't broken like he was. She even faced down her worst fear, finally made a pact with Volt, because he had convinced her to.

He wouldn't let her see that it tore him apart. He could only respond with vindictiveness. Hurting her back was the one answer he could understand; he knew better than most how to get to her.

Over-exaggerating his flirtatiousness was already a key point in concealing the fact that he had joined the group for reconnaissance purposes. Now he made extra sure to direct all of that toward her. It pissed her off more than he could have even hoped. She snapped at him for it all of the time, much to his delight, but then his control over the situation slipped. Sheena had been ready to throw her life away so that the others might escape through the Otherworldly Gate, and his anger with her hit its peak. He stood there _waiting_ for someone to do something—why didn't Lloyd stop her—why didn't _anyone_ stop her?

The Chosen was angry with her, jealous, conflicted…but he just wasn't going to let anything happen to her. He had always made it his obligation to protect her, even if he didn't understand why anymore.

He knew afterward that he had no choice but to take it back, push her away. No matter what, he wasn't going to be the one in pieces. If they weren't meant to be, then it would be because he didn't love her anymore, not the other way around.

He would not be abandoned. Not again.

x x x

The frosted window pane obscured her reflection with fog as she stood leaning against it, drawing in deep breaths. Outside in the Flanoir snow, Lloyd and Colette were walking hand in hand with bright smiles on their faces. They both looked so happy and carefree even despite all the trials they'd endured to get this far. Their friendship stood through the threat of death and the fear of the unknown.

It was obvious why, at least Sheena thought so. Lloyd didn't give up or run away. He went to the edge of the world—literally—to keep that sweet little girl safe. That was one of the things she admired about him, a kind of courage she hadn't yet managed to obtain.

That would change soon. She had already made up her mind as soon as she joined up with Lloyd's team. This time, she would be a real hero. Even if her assassination mission hadn't gone as planned, this would be different. She would not only protect Tethe'alla, but both worlds, and free them from the vicious cycle of sacrifice and misery.

Sheena slid into her uncomfortable bed with a sigh, not exactly tired but in definite need of rest. Tomorrow would be an important day for everyone at the Tower of Salvation. If only she could survive it, prove to the world that she was strong, maybe she would finally be accepted. By Mizuho, by Tethe'alla, and even by herself. With the help of her new friends, she would finally be free from the dark shadow of shame and guilt.

With one outstanding exception. She was absolutely _furious_ with Zelos at this point. For the life of her, she could not understand what the hell had happened with him. He had always been a bit of smartass, even a bit obnoxious at times, but it tended to be in good humor. It was simply in his nature to enjoy getting her to laugh and squabble with him, but never to insult her intelligence and grab her ass.

She pulled the blankets over her head in annoyance. This should've been something she expected a long time ago. He was noble by birth, his genetic code had surely programmed him to use people and toss them to the side. Once she proved her worth to everyone, she wouldn't need him anyway.

And yet, she still couldn't explain to herself why it hurt so much.

x x x

Directly above her on the inn's balcony, Zelos looked out over the rooftops of Flanoir's tiny houses. He was getting positively dusted by the late night snowdrift. The idea of it almost made him want to laugh. To think, he'd associated it with such fear and regret for so long, a simple and trivial thing marred by an ugly red stain of sorrow.

Soon he would be free of that remorse, of all the bitterness and isolation that came with being a Chosen. No longer would he have to live the role of someone he had never wanted to be in the first place. If things went according to plan, Seles would become the new savior of the world. She could be free from the abbey, live the life of privilege that her mother so desperately had wanted her to have. Enough to commit murder, as it were.

Absently, he closed his hand around a snowflake that drifted slowly past his face. He frowned as he opened it again, the ice crystal reduced to water droplets by his body heat. There was still some doubt in his mind. Kratos had told him only a few minutes ago that if he wanted to come out on the winning side, he should make himself useful and retrieve the Aionis after he revealed his loyalties tomorrow. The Chosen wasn't entirely sure if trusting him was a great idea; he already hated the irresponsible jackass to begin with, a far cry from respecting his sagely advice. Maybe he would just wait until the time came and decide on the spot, do whatever his gut told him to.

Down below, he could hear Lloyd and Colette returning to the inn from their walk, content smiles plastered on their faces. He smirked, wondering if Sheena was going to be all pissy tomorrow because her beloved Lloyd liked somebody else. No one could deny, after all, that they were a perfect pair. Zelos wondered if he and Sheena had looked cute together like that when they were that age. There wasn't any way of knowing that, of course. Unlike the other two, they had always had to be careful about being seen together, not as friends, and definitely not as, well—

The thought sobered him up a little. Remembering them together like that made it harder to convince himself that he didn't care about her. He must've been an idiot to think he could snap his fingers and stop loving someone who had always been good to him.

After all, she wasn't a stranger. She was his dearest friend.

He sighed, shaking the snow out of his hair as he turned to go inside. They were all in for a long day tomorrow.

x x x

Even by nightfall, he's still wondering if the choice he made was right.

Heimdall felt too quiet while Zelos sat solemnly by the river that ran through the tiny town. Although the day's events are long past, he has them committed to memory like the flashbulb of a camera. He hadn't expected everyone to be so shocked when he turned on them. Angry, yes, but not shocked as though they cared about him in any capacity. And the look of hurt on _her_ face…she really still gave a damn?

The sound of the bushes rustling snapped him out of his reverie; evidently his secret little spot had been invaded. He isn't even surprised when it's Sheena that emerges, her eyes making a point of avoiding him. The light in her room had still been on when he left a while ago, apparently not stealthy enough to avoid catching some notice.

When she takes the spot beside him on the little wooden bench, the Chosen found himself having a hard time looking at her as well. Everything felt even more awkward than before, if that was at all possible. The ninja simply stared over into the water, as though she was going to find something meaningful there. A painful minute of silence passed before she breaks it.

"What's happened to us?"

Her hollow tone practically sent a shiver down his back. Zelos had never heard her speak with such coldness. It barely even sounded like a question when he responded.

"Why'dya say that?"

"I shouldn't have to explain it!" Sheena snapped back, but her annoyance only sounded half-hearted to him. "You've been acting like a total ass to me for no reason ever since I came back from Sylvarant. I thought _that_ was bad enough, but then you go and pull that stunt today and nearly get all of us killed!"

He gave a poignant shrug, watching the moonlight dance on the water. "So? Things worked out better in the end, didn't they?"

"That isn't the point. Even if you've been a jerk lately, I still trusted you. You never gave me a reason not to. But today…" she paused, shaking her head. "Pronyma said you were working for them from the start. You really _were_ going to side with them."

The redhead frowned, the calmness in his demeanor slipping ever so slightly. "I might've been. Why would you care, anyway? You're all into Lloyd by the looks of it. If he was forced to take me out, wouldn't you have gone along with it?"

"Excuse me? Correct me if I'm wrong, but the way I remember it, _you're_ the one saying you've got fifty girlfriends. Acting all jealous of Lloyd is a little bit hypocritical at this point, if you ask me."

Much to her irritation, he started laughing wholeheartedly at this. Before she could scold him, he spoke up. "You were seriously buying all of that? I guess I wasn't entirely wrong when I said your chest was the only part of you that was well endowed…"

Sheena finally raised her gaze from the ground, catching his blue eyes in a perilous moment of transparency. "What the hell are you talking about, you idiot!"

He sighed, shooting her an exasperated smile. "In case you didn't notice, dear, I was working pretty damn hard to keep those guys—and you—unsuspecting of me 'til I had things figured out. The whole 'act like a whore' bit ended up being pretty effective, am I right?"

She raised an eyebrow. The expression was neither angry nor exactly surprised. "More like annoying, if that's really the case."

Zelos gave her a flippant grin, enjoying the fact that he had bested her. "Got a little dodgy at times though, don't you think? Some of those lines I was pulling off were just flat out cheesy. I was worried that it'd come off as either way over the top, or completely delusional." He stopped for a moment when he caught Sheena half-smiling, a little snicker of agreement escaping her. "Well, on the up side, at least those dumb girls stalking me made it convincing."

She looked down at her lap when he glanced over at her, suddenly embarrassed. "I was afraid you were serious, Zelos. Honestly. I never really thought I was special enough for you to want to stay with me."

"Nope, you're stuck with me." The Chosen pulled her into a one-armed hug. "As long as you can accept the fact that I really _am_ a raging attention whore."

The summoner smiled sarcastically, rolling her eyes. But after a moment she became serious again, and that worries him as soon as she opened her mouth to talk. "I have one more thing to ask you, though…"

"And that would be..?"

"Back at the tower today…" She looked off into the distance again, pausing to find the words. "What were you going to do if Lloyd tried to fight you when you took Colette?"

"Uh, well…I had kinda intended to fight, if that was the case."

Her eyes widened, and in an instant she had pulled back from leaning against him. "That's insane! If you took them all on, you'd have been killed!"

"Yeah, that was the point…I thought that would be my only way out. All I ever wanted was a way out of being Chosen." Zelos kept his gaze steady on her, the seriousness of the statement showing through his hardened expression.

She still looked aghast. "That's _horrible_…"

He smiled slyly at her. "Hey, don't I remember someone around here trying the same thing? 'Kuchinawa, I'm the one you hate, kill me.'"

"Well, yeah, I guess that wasn't one of my best thought out moments…" she mumbled, her bangs falling in her face when she glanced down at the ground.

"That's what you have me for, lucky you." He gave her a little wink, one that she suspected fell under the cheesy category he had mentioned earlier.

They sat there in silence for a few minutes, Zelos having weaseled his way back into cuddling against her. She looked sleepy, and he figured they should probably return to the inn soon.

"Hey, Sheena?"

"Hm? What is it?"

He leaned down and caught her in a surprise kiss, quite relieved when she didn't get all mad at him. It was a little embarrassing after they had just been arguing earlier, but he had to say it was nice to have the privilege back.

"If we make it through this last fight," he told her in a hushed whisper. "We're not gonna live like we used to. No more blaming ourselves for everything. If we change the world, I think it's only fair that we learn to enjoy the future we make. Not live in the past."

She couldn't help but beam at him, her face glowing with a hint of the strength of heart he knew she had. And after all those years of grief and regret, those sad eyes that he fell in love with were finally smiling at him.

* * *

**A/N**: Yeah I don't know, I'm sorta like iffy on angst. It has to be bittersweet if I'm gonna approve of it, heh. Please review for me! Nicely please. c:

Much love,

-FP


End file.
